A few weeks ago at Church our Pastor gave a sermon on Rejoicing. And challenged us to rejoice in everything. EVERYTHING. Seemed simple enough. Even with our challenges we are grateful and feel truly blessed. This past week though...well, let's just say rejoicing wasn't the first action that came to mind.
This past week our entire home was struck down by the flu. By Tuesday AM we had been to the doctor, we were humidifying fools, we were taking multiple baths to get fevers down, we were throwing up food. And by we I mean EVERYONE IN THE HOUSEHOLD. Tuesday morning also included a somewhat tense meeting with our ABA provider at which they put the full court press on me to keep Squish out of preschool. The really amazing ABA-based, specially for kids on the spectrum, REALLY HARD TO GET INTO preschool. 'Cause, "All the RESEARCH says 40 hours of ABA is what is most effective." Except, I don't think Squish is going to thrive at 40 hours (A WORK WEEK for a 3 year old?!?!?!) *and* I KNOW he needs more social interaction with peers. Something no amount of canned, 1:1 "peer dates" w/ABA tutors is going to really, consistently provide.
By Tuesday afternoon I had gotten a call that my Mom (the same one who is struggling with mental illness and substance abuse) had suffered a stroke.
By Tuesday night I had been convinced not to go to see my Mom (guess the Doctor frowned on her flu-ridden daughter visiting), had rescheduled Squish's IEP for next week, had thrown up a few more times, and had cried like, oh, I don't know, BUCKETS of tears.
Flash-forward to today and we are all doing better. I was able to see my Mom yesterday and it looks like she will make a full recovery. We're all healthier here (not perfectly healthy but close enough) and most of today was spent out back on the kid's swingset in the sunshine.
The Hubs and I are still grappling with the decision we made in regards to Squish. I do believe that a combo of preschool and ABA is what he needs, even though the research supports a 40 hour ABA week. Which is weird for me because I'm usually ALL about the research. But I do think you can come to a point in your journey where your own research (which for us includes observing Squish with peers, talking with numerous parents who are futher down the path than us, and consulting with other therapists) trumps that done by folks in a clinic who don't even know Squish.
So back to rejoicing. I finally sat down and willed myself to rejoice in all that has happened this week. True, our Pastor challenged us to rejoice in the moment, but sometimes I come late to the party. :)
I consciously rejoice in the fact that my Mother is going to recover AND in the fact that she had a stroke. Why? Because we are praying that it is the rock-bottom she needed to hit to realize her mortality and to take better care of herself.
I rejoice in the flu! Why? Because although we were sick, vomiting, feverish fools, all four of us were together with nowhere to go, nothing to do, and nothing expected of us. We piled into the big bed and drank tea and juice and water and ate whatever we could keep down and watched a lot of movies. And napped. And read books.
I choose to rejoice about the pressure our ABA folks are putting on us. They forced us to rethink our choices (again) and because of it, we are even MORE certain we are doing the right thing.
Finally, I rejoice in this moment. When my precious babies are asleep, the Hubs is doing the dinner dishes, and I get to read some favorite blogs while sitting on the couch and sipping some red wine.
In EVERYTHING rejoice. Not always easy to do, but always so uplifting when done.
-md
5 Comments:
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Exactly! What a great way to look back on a difficult week and embrace what it truly was you got out of it - closeness with family and personal growth. It's hard sometimes to see it in trying times, but you really shined at the end.
Kristin
PS - Go with your gut about Squish. You are the one who knows him the best. Not all Autistic children need ABA 40 hours a week or at all. You can always change your mind later.
If I may, I'll speak to the 40 hours. Squish is young and he can gain a lot of skills at home and there is plenty of time for social interaction. I thought exactly like you five years ago and now Charlie is 8 1/2 and in a private autism/ABA school. I know you have to do what is right for you, but sometimes one has to move a bit back to get even farther forward. Yes, my 2 cents.
Postscript to my comment is, of course you have more than agaonized over your decision; us autism parents have been through a lot and I think it is hard for us not to offer up our experience---wanting to pass on something to others. We can certainly support each other, and agree to disagree!
I really believe that not all programs are created equal... Adam has gained so much from a multi-modal approach. The "ABA" world is learning this now and people are learning that there is little room for exploration and creativity and individuality within a rigid ABA program.
All kids, even with autism are different. You have to find out how your child learns best and then find the best teachers to explore that with you and your child.
Estee
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